The Kiss You Never Should've Given Me
by Emerin
Summary: A shattered Slytherin aches in the wake of a kiss amoung the dusty library books, that never should've happened....xSLASH DracoHarry x
1. Journal Entry

You did it on purpose, didn't you?  
Didn't you?  
You did it to deliberately scar my heart with a great deep slash  
Didn't you?  
I hate this  
I hate YOU  
I can't stand it anymore  
You did it to torment me, didn't you?  
Didn't you?

It was so careless  
So reckless, like your smile  
Casual as a polo shirt on a warm, sunny afternoon  
And just as sexy  
So haphazardly, like the black strands that stray infront of your green eyes  
You didn't mean to, didn't you?  
Didn't you?

You never meant to press your lips against mine  
Scorching my mouth with your every taste  
Didn't you?  
You didn't mean to haunt my every step with the feel of your fingers on my skin  
Or your soft breath puffing onto my ear as you nibbled  
You never meant for my endless longing of another encounter  
Of my daydreams  
Didn't you?

You're a dangerous one, you are  
Snatching hearts as easily you do the Golden Snitch  
Minus the showing off part  
I want that slice  
I want _you_

As natural as the sun fades into the west  
So we would be  
Our eyes melding into one another again  
Like ivy creeping up high stone walls  
But its not natural to you  
You avoided me today, didn't you?

You never meant to hurt me, didn't you?  
You never meant for my aching and yearning  
Didn't you?  
You never meant to set me ablaze in the emerald fires of your eyes  
Didn't you?  
Didn't you?

I hate this  
I hate YOU  
You did it on purpose, didn't you?  
Didn't you, Potter?  
Didn't you?


	2. The Next Day

A slender pale boy snapped the covers of a red-bound journal shut as he finished scribbling down his emotions. There, it was done. He actually felt a little better now that everything was out and written on paper. It almost seemed as if he could completely forget what had happened.If he fooled himself enough, he could actually accomplish that.  
  
Looking up at the blue-grey sky, Draco Malfoy released a shaky sigh. Who was he kidding besides himself? Moving on from this was going to take alot more than a stupid poem.  
  
"'ey, 'arry! Wait up, will ya!"  
  
Draco quickly shifted his eyes away from the afternoon sky in a sort of panic. Sprinting across the bright green lawn was Ronald Weasley and ahead of him, dressed in scarlet and gold Quidditch robes and exiting the entrance hall, was the bane of his existence. Harry Potter. What kind of name was that anyway?   
  
But he still watched as the two friends crossed the lawn together, obviously heading towards the pitch for practice.  
  
"Stupid Potter," Draco hissed.  
  
He sighed again. Denial sucked. Draco got up and dusted his cloak free of grass before heading back to the castle. This was going to take ALOT more than just a poem.  
  
- - - - -  
  
"But why? _Why_ ?"  
  
"Because...I...I..."  
  
"Just say it, ok? Spit it out and get it over with."  
  
"It was a mistake...Just a big mistake..."  
  
"Why did you do it then? Look at me- no, LOOK at me damn it! Why did you do it?"  
  
"I don't know, OK? I don't _KNOW_!"  
  
" I'm not about to be the only one who goes down in flames here. If I'm going, you're coming with me."  
  
"God damn you, Malfoy..."  
  
"Save it for someone who cares."  
  
"Fuck you!"  
  
"You wish, Potter."  
  
- - - - -  
  
Draco somehow found himself in a dark corner of an unknown corridor, deep in the heart of the dungeons. He looked up, barely realizing he was on the floor in a tight ball. Something cool splattered on his arm and he was shocked to see it was a tear. His face was covered in them. The hallway was practically pitch black and without his wand, he'd have no way of knowing where he was going.  
  
But he didn't care. He really didn't. It would suit him just fine if he never found his way out, if he just died right here in this very spot. So, the shaking Slytherin balled up tighter, sobbing silently into his arms.  
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
The boy looked up sharply at the weak voice. A person slowly started to come into view, their shadow defining against the darker black around them. He didn't dare to believe. It was just another one of his halucinations. He was just dreaming that a boy of 16 croutched down besides him, his unruly raven hair cascading round his face. Draco squeezed his eyes shut and willed the image away.  
  
A hand brushed like a soft breeze against his cheek and he shuttered.  
  
"Please go away," He croaked into the sleeve of his sweater.  
  
Like clockwork, the hand vanished, taking with it the sense of security and comfort the broken Slytherin ached for. But he had to do it. If he couldn't have the real thing, he didn't want anything to do with that Gryffindor.  
  
Draco weapt harder into the darkness. 


	3. Somethings Are Meant to Be

Draco stared blankly at the same line, unsuccessfully absorbing it into his brain for the millionth time. He sighed, giving up, and closed the huge book with a loud bang. Several surrounding students jumped at the noise then shot him dirty looks for disturbing their peace. He scowled at them then proceeded to rumage through the leafs of parchment scattered all over the table.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle were playing some inane game involving pushing the others thumb down across the table while Pansy Parkinson gossiped with her 2 friends, rat-faced Roni Smudge and pug-nosed Gaby Yuckles. If it wasn't for the vast contrast in hair color, Draco would've bet good galleons that Pansy and Gaby were related.  
  
With a frustrated sigh, Draco came up from searching the piles of papers," Where's the answer sheet to the History of Magic test?"  
  
His croonies made sluggish shrugs as Pansy peered at him through her narrow eyes.  
  
"I believe Blaise had it last," She answered.  
  
The blonde gave a growl and went back to rumaging through all the parchments. Ok, so, no studying the answers for History of Magic, fine. That wasn't until tomorrow anyways. What he really needed to do was cram for the Transfiguartion test that afternoon.  
  
_Who are you kidding? Is that what you REALLY need to do?  
_  
No one asked for your opinion.  
  
_No, they didn't, but its obvious you need it anyway._  
  
Would you bugger off? I thought I got rid of you last night.  
  
_I_ _thought so too. I guess you didn't want me as gone as you thought you did.  
_  
Yanno, you're really annoying.  
  
_Only when you know I'm right._  
  
God damn you, Potter.  
  
_Hey, I'm only a figment of your imagination. Why don't you go get mad at the REAL Harry Potter?_  
  
Because he wants nothing to do with me.  
  
_Is that the actual case or is it only what you're hoping?  
_  
Whats that supposed to mean!?  
  
_It means that I think you took what he said too much to heart. He's confused, Malfoy. And all you could do was give him the whole 'all or nothing' bit. Its no wonder he ran like heck._  
  
Yanno, its sad that I can only talk to you in my head.  
  
_Don't change the subject.  
_  
Fine. I..I guess what you're saying is true...I..  
  
_You secretly hoped he'd reject you so you could go back to treating him like shit, in turn , saving you from your father's wrath if he ever found out._  
  
Ok, its just creepy how accurate you deduce me.  
  
_I'm apart of your subconscious. In reality, its YOU who can deduce all this. You're just too stupid to do it.  
_  
Ok, thats it. Go away.  
  
_Fine, but don't come crying to me when you screw up again.  
_  
Draco sighed inwardly. He really needed to stop this. Talking to a madeup Potter that existed in his imagination was getting scary. Not to mention pathetic. He needed to talk to Harry. So, without a single word of explanation, Draco gathered his things and hurried from the Slytherin Common Room. His bag was rather heavy as he scurried up the steps leading away from the dungeons and towards the main staircase.  
  
"Lets see, its almost noon, so, the Gryffindors would be in...Herbology."  
  
His stomach gave an involuntary flip. Was he actually going to go through with this? Waste away his free period by chasing down Potter just so he could have a go at him? Draco sped down the hallway and leapt from the entrance doors before his mind could confuse him further. He sprinted across the lawn towards the greenhouses. Only when the Herbology classes come into view did he slow, and then he spotted the one he wanted. Greenhouse 5 contained a large batch of students, a short, plump little witch near the doors conducting it.  
  
Draco struggled to get his motor functions under control again, for his feet had point-blank refused to proceed any further.  
  
From his spot behind a tree and some shubbery, he could make out the class better. Instanty, his eyes searched for the only head of hair he really needed to find, since it was almost always bobbing besides the raven haired one.  
  
Draco bite his lip and ducked down, scurring over to the glass windows of the greenhouse. Almost instantly, he spotted the flaming red hair and, as predicted, his brunette companion was at his side.  
  
Ok, he'd found Harry, what now?  
  
"Well, charging in like a maniac is always an option."  
  
"You choose the most annoying times to be unhelpful."  
  
" Hey, it was a good suggestion. Better than the one I know you're considering."  
  
Draco scoffed," And whats that?"  
  
"Turn high-tail and run."  
  
"Alright, you've crossed the line of annoyance and are going straight into the land of Unbearable. Leave."  
  
Draco waited until the apparation vanished before pondering what he had said. No, he'd never run in there like a maniac, but he did feel the urge to run. Draco gasped and quickly leapt into the tall hedges as the class of Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs began to exit the classroom. It looked as if Professor Sprout had released them early due to the large clouds of purple smoke escaping the open door.  
  
Here was his chance. Now or never.  
  
"So, you going to come to lunch with us?" Ron Weasley inquired, wiping a streak of dirt from his cheek.  
  
Harry shrugged half-heartedly, his eyes downcast," Nah, I don't have much of an appetite."  
  
"Oh, go on, Harry. You haven't eaten all day. You've got to get SOMETHING into your system," Hermonie Granger retorted like a nagging mother.  
  
Draco could see impatience flickering behind Potter's eyes.Boy, did he have a temper.  
  
"I'm not hungry, Hermonie. I'm just going to take a nap."  
  
" But you really should-"  
  
"Just leave him alone!"   
  
The 3 jumped as Draco blinked. '_Oh god! I said that outloud_!' The Slytherin's face flushed like mad as he dropped his bag immediately and buried himself deeper within the hedge in a rush.   
  
"Who's there?" Ron exclaimed, pausing by the bushes and peering in suspiciously.  
  
Harry frowned, then placed his hands on the small of Ron's back, pushing him towards Hermione," You two go on ahead, I'll go check it out."  
  
"But Harry, what if its-"  
  
"Go on." Harry cut Hermione off and waited until they finally left, heavily persuaded by Harry's unfaltering green glare. With an exhale, he climbed into the hedges, working his way through them until he came upon the castle wall. He sighed," I knew it was you."  
  
Draco carefully emerged from behind a gangly tree looking defiant despite the situation," And what of it?"  
  
"Why are you out here, Malfoy? Come to make me more miserable?" Harry could see the blonde's stone eyes soften considerably, their former hard snobbishness melting away to reveal beautiful concern.  
  
"Of course not. I came here to talk," Draco replied, noticing a streak of dirt gracing Harry's sleek jaw.  
  
"About what?" Harry asked crossing his arms defensively.  
  
Draco sighed," About us. I'm sorry for the way I attacked you the other day..I..I didn't mean to..."  
  
Looking up, he was startled to see Harry gaping at him. " What?"  
  
"I never thought I'd see the day Draco Malfoy would apologize."  
  
Draco sneered," Oh, shut it will you? Its hard enough without you being a smartass."  
  
Harry shifted, giving the boy a look that said 'go on then'.  
  
"Look...I don't know what that kiss meant to you, but I just had to say..well...It meant alot to me. More than it should, really. See, I've never taken to loving someone, its just not intelligent in my family. Caring for a person could lead to dangerous blackmail...But..I found myself caring for you, Harry. More than I thought I ever could, and,well..when you ran away from me after, I couldn't help the anger." Draco said in a rush, willing the words out of hi smouth as fast as he could manage without pausing for breath.  
  
Harry blinked. It was all he could do," What are you trying to say, Malfoy? That it was more than just a kiss?"  
  
"Well..." Draco hesitated." Yes."  
  
He did the only thing he could think of doing. For the third time that week, Harry Potter fled from the company of Draco Malfoy.The pale boy looked down, barely noticing that Harry had brought him his bookbag but dropped it in his hurry to escape. His heart too crushed to chase after or whip out his wand to wreck his revenge, Draco simply crumbled.  
  
- - - - -  
  
The shattered Slytherin sat with his head in his hands most of that evening in the library. His friends had come and gone, Goyle dropping off somewhere along the way a few pieces of chicken and a tart from the dinner he missed. He hadn't touched it. His palms were thoroughly damped and his face felt horribly sore. Draco knew he couldn't spare another single bit of water, though his insides screamed for some sort of outlet. Tears seemed the best and most efficient way to get rid of the pain building somewhere behind his stomach. But now that they were refusing to come out, he had no choice but to heave dry sobs in an attempt to relieve the aches of his body.  
  
"Yanno, its not healthy to cry so much."  
  
Draco grimaced, sinking further into his depression," Go away, would you? I'm not in the mood."  
  
"I say you could use a friend right about now."  
  
The Slytherin pressed his face into the soft fabrics of his robes," I have no real friends that would understand this."  
  
"You have me."  
  
"But you're not even real," Draco groaned miserably.  
  
"I'm real enough."  
  
"I want Harry. The REAL, Harry. I need him like I need air. My body _pangs_ just to be close to him again, just one more time if thats all he'll give me. I want him to make me happy, and I want to make him happy in return. I KNOW I could do it, I just know I could. I could take care of him and make sure he never hurts again. I could be there for him when his bloody friends are ignoring him just so they can snog. I could be the family he never had...I can be all Harry Potter would ever need....if he'd only give me the chance..." Draco choked into the still air. There was a few moments of silence after his emotional monologue.  
  
"C-could you r-really?"  
  
"Yes, of course I-" Draco shot his head up with a gasp. Standing beside his table was indeed Harry Potter, but not his hallucination. No, it was the real person, staring at him through shining emerald eyes and a quivering lip. Draco swallowed hard,"Of course I could."  
  
"Do you mean it? Honestly?" Harry asked, his body beginning to tremble.  
  
Draco felt his heart pang at the sight of the brunette's tears. He hated the world, and himself, for making tears stream down that perfect face." More than anything."  
  
In instant, Draco was cradling a shaking and crying Gryffindor. His hands ran through silky raven hair and over soft, smoothe skin. Even though the boy was sobbing, Draco felt more complete than he had throughout his entire life. Lips touched lips, and Draco Malfoy found true happiness in a kiss that never should've happened, but gratefully did. 


End file.
